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Tango & Cash

Tango & Cash

What he said:

He

Do you remember when DVDs were almost $30 a pop? Seems kind of weird now considering you can get them for as cheap as $5 at Target. It’s even weirder when you see one of those four packs for $9. Four movies for under $10 is a steal, so sometimes I’ll pick them up even if I only like one or two of the movies included.

This was the case when I got Tango & Cash. This Stallone-packed 4 pack included Demolition Man, The Specialist, Over-the-Top, and Tango & Cash. I always thought Demolition Man was a fun sci fi/action flick. Over-the-Top has always been one of my favorite cheesy/motivational movies. I could care less about The Specialist. I’ve seen it before, but don’t remember much about it. I had seen Tango & Cash, but it had been some time. I thought I liked it, but I couldn’t remember. It wasn’t one of his most popular movies from what I could recall.

So having some rare free time during a weeknight, I decided to check this movie out.

Tango & Cash is about two hot shot cops in LA.  Tango (Stallone) is a polished – if not uptight – kind of guy, while Cash (Kurt Russell) is more of a blue collar guy. They are the best cops in the city. They work for different departments, but are something of rivals; always battling for big arrests and headlines.  These two are so good that it was only a matter of time before some common enemy decided to get organized and do something about them both.

That enemy is Yves Perret (Jack Palance). Perret is the drug kingpin in LA. All of the other mob bosses report to him. He’s had just about enough of Tango & Cash. They have cost him mucho dinero over the years, so he decides to gather all of the local crime families and set up a big elaborate scheme to frame the two officers.

The rivals are forced to join forces and work together to clear their names and bring down Perret, yada,  yada, yada, you know how that story goes. Not exactly original, but if the execution is good enough, I don’t usually care.

When Lethal Weapon came out in 1987 it spawned a new era of action flicks. The buddy action was a new and popular way of telling your standard action story. There were many attempts to duplicate the formula; some good, some not so good. Unfortunately, this was one of the less successful ones.

This movie was a stinker from top-to-bottom. The acting is brutal. Stallone in particular is quite bad. His attempt to play straight man Tango was painful to watch. Kurt Russell wasn’t much better as the Oscar to Stallone’s Felix. He was also a blatant rip off of Mel Gibson’s Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon. They even gave him the same freaking haircut! Jack Palance wasn't any good as Perret either. All three of them tried way too hard, but it seems like the script was a bad one to begin with.

The action was downright boring. I don’t think there was a single fight scene in the movie that kept me interested. There was nothing fun or entertaining about it. Every bit seems choreographed and predictable.

Even the humor sucked. Whether it was a joke from the uptight Tango, loose cannon Cash, or one of the countless henchmen they dispatched, the jokes fell flat.

This movie was an attempt to capitalize on a few things. Stallone was at his peak in the 80s due to Rocky, Rambo and a few others. Kurt Russell found some success in a few John Carpenter movies. He was fantastic in Big Trouble in Little China and Escape from New York, but both were considered a few levels below that of a Stallone movie. So I think they wanted to take Russell and bring his action hero credibility to a new level. They were also clearly trying to mimic the success of Lethal Weapon. The movie fails at all of these.

Even if you are a fan of 80s action flicks, avoid this one. It bites the big one.

Rating: Thumbs down.

This movie review was written for your reading pleasure on March 1, 2012.